In the beginning, there was chaos. After the Creation, there were the gods: Zeus, Hera, Hades and the rest. It was their task to rule over those little tiny creatures down here on Earth - us. To help them in this endeavor, and to keep us out of mischief, the gods used angels to assist them. ANGELIUM is the story of three angels, who come to Earth to help mankind, and maybe get more than they bargained for...

Episode One - In Heaven, the king of the gods Zeus suffers the wrath of his wife Hera after she catches him screwing around with the angels again. He needs a plan to get his rocks off without the old lady finding out...The head Angel informs his lordship he needs to assign three angles a task so they can be promoted to the next level of...umm...angelhood. Zeus tells the trio they will go to Earth in disguise and their test is to help as many people as possible in three months - without revealing their true nature. He doesn't tell them his ulterior motive...

The angels descend to terra firma and take 'human' names - scholarly Miki, robust Yu and spunky little Chodoko. The angles first help young flower shop owner Midori by chasing away some thugs. They volunteer to help Midori save the shop from the ruffians (who want the land for their clients), and she gratefully accepts, even allowing the angels to room with her. All seems well, until Miki goes to teach a swim class the next day. She meets Yurishiro - a student working various jobs. He instantly falls for the angel. This is just the situation Zeus was waiting for - he possesses the boy and 'tests' just what Miki will do the 'help' him. The old coot thinks he now has a way into the pants of the angel babes that is fool proof. Things, of course, spiral out of control....

Episode Two - Down in Hell, Hades thinks Zeus' fucking around on earth is part of a plot against the ruler of the underworld, so he sends devil nymph Persephone to spy on the King of the gods and screw up his little affair. Zeus meanwhile, spies on the angels taking a bath - randy old bastard! Miki meets up with Yurishiro at the temple -the poor lad has no memory of the time Zeus took over his body. Miki fetches a priestess to bless him - which turns out to be Persephone in disguise. The devil girl starts a 'purification ritual' (guess what that involves?). When Miki walks in, Persephone flees, so Zeus takes over Yurishiro and asks Miki to 'finish up'...

The angles take part in a lottery the next day - one that forces them to wear skimpy bikinis when someone in the crowd (all horny boys and geezers) wins. When Yurishiro walks by - and just happens to win the 'special prize' - Persephone sweeps him away. She tells him she is the prize. The boy ain't no fool and they get down & dirty. But the angles follow, and Zeus is horny again...

ANGELIUM is a lot like the cotton candy you get at the carnival - it's nice while it lasts, but when it's gone, it's soon forgotten. The film can't seem to decide if it wants to be - a raunchy sex flick or a romantic comedy. There is far too much plot in either case; while the main story of Zeus and the angels is a fine framework, the writers throw in subplots and dramas that really become overwhelming. And since so much time is given to the heavy-handed storyline, there's not much time left for the sex. It's a lot of T&A teasing, and the real hardcore scenes tend to be short (but kinda sweet, I must say). They do throw in a 'tentacle-sex' scene to keep things from becoming too monotonous. The angels of ANGELIUM tend to follow the standard stereotypes - Miki and Yu are innocent but curious, Chodoko is the comedy relief, Yurishiro the kind-hearted (yet horny) boy they all fall for. These are characters we've all seen before - they are not given any real uniqueness. My favorite character in fact is devil bitch Persephone, because at least she has some pizzazz! In Greek Mythology, Zeus and the gang are icons - but you'll learn nothing of their history from ANGELIUM. The animation is good; standard work, and the picture quality is nice and clear. Audio is fine as well. If the producers had picked one path on which to make ANGELIUM, the result had the potential to be a decent raunchy comedy or a light comedy romance. Throwing everything into the mix, however, just makes a disjointed effort that will please no one - romantics, fun lovers or horny bastards.

Kitty Media has released ANGELIUM on DVD with only a scant few extras. Which is to say four X-rated trailers and language options. That's it.

A story of a horny god trying to get laid by three innocent angles could have made for a sexy night's viewing. When one has to plow through so much plot and drama to get to 'the good stuff', it hardly seems worth the effort. Perhaps future episode will better refine the story and make some sense of the rambling proceedings - there is the potential for a decent movie in here, but in these episodes, it's buried. ANGELIUM is not a waste of time, but it's also not very memorable. Keep up your spirits, dear angels...maybe one day you'll get that 'promotion'...